


Rebuffed

by TinderWulf



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types
Genre: Colonist (Mass Effect), F/M, Interviews, Mentions of Rape, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-20 13:34:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 20,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17623340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinderWulf/pseuds/TinderWulf
Summary: With the sting of rejection weighing on her heart, Shepard takes off to clear her head. But life always has a way to pull her back into the thick of things. It wouldn't be her life without a few surprise obstacles.And more heartache.Taking a new job, she sets her sights on a different life.





	1. Interview 1

**Author's Note:**

> We all know I suck at summaries. It is what it is. Anyway, enjoy this fic I've been holding hostage from you. Much love and thanks to my incredible beta! Melpomene21, you are da bomb diggity. 
> 
> All interview chapters will be labeled. They are in first person which I personally am not a fan of reading in some cases. Just in case you want to skip them as I update.
> 
> * * *

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Commander Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Council Spectre.**

**_Subject: Love. Thoughts, experiences, etc. Anything that comes to mind. –Emily_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_It’s an odd request to know about my love life. Or lack thereof. *pause* I have loved a few men throughout my life. My first love, Nathan, died on Mindoir while trying to protect his mother. It was…awful to watch. I couldn’t do anything to help. It was so traumatic I didn’t make a sound for months. I didn’t cry or scream. I just…barely existed._

_My second love was David Anderson. I loved him like a father. I looked up to that man like he shit rainbows. *chuckle* He was the dad I needed after Mindoir. The kind of dad that’s blunt even if it hurts. Loved without caution and encouraged me like I was constantly on the last turn of a race and I was in second place. David was the first person I saw on Mindoir after the attack. He found me beaten, raped, and bloody. It was later that I learned I was the only survivor and that most of the blood on my body belonged to the invaders. David said there was evidence that I cut down fifteen armored enemies with a cow skinning knife. *pause* I still don’t remember anything after watching Nathan die to when David found me. Nine hours just vanished from my brain. It’s probably a blessing considering what I went through._

_My third love started as a crush when I was about twenty. By that time I’d had finally began to see the galaxy in a different light. I paid more attention to everyone and everything. It took three years to heal after Mindoir. The man I fell head over heels for didn’t know I existed. But it was against the regs anyway so I kept that information to myself. *Long pause* I haven’t loved anyone else but him and for the life of me I can’t figure out why. Why him?_

_*Frustrated noise* You know, I don’t know what it’s like to be loved as a life partner. I opened myself up to him, only a little, and was shut down. Like I said, it’s against the regs but I’m so tired of loving him and getting nothing. Obviously, the rejection was not what I hoped for but maybe it’s what I need for my heart to let go of a man it’s had its sights on for over a decade._

_I just don’t think love is ever going to be in my future. My life is only military and death. Getting to experience love just isn’t in the cards for someone like me._

_Let’s face it, I’m hard to live with. And if the present is anything to go by: Hard to love._

_It’s best to just leave it at that. I’ll die alone probably surrounded by a pack of varren. I’ll be the old varren lady of the Alliance. And I know what you’re wondering…_

_Why varren?_

_Because cats don’t like me. Too much competition I guess._

_*Recording stopped…_


	2. Chapter 2

Why did she agree to this type of interview? Oh right, because David had done it, and she’d loved walking around his apartment and hearing everything. Shepard quickly sent the file to Emily Wong before tossing the datapad onto her bed.

With Hackett at the embassies, Shepard took one last look over her packed bag before zipping it closed and hefting it on her shoulder. It had been utterly embarrassing last night.

But he’d asked. He told her when she figured out what she wanted she should speak up. Thinking on it now, she realized he meant professionally. Not personally. So waking him up as she knelt on the bed next to him in her spare room to tell him she wanted marriage and babies…

Well, his reply was like a slap to the face.

Of course the unbendable Admiral would throw regs at her.

With him planning to use her spare room for at least another month, she decided she needed to get away.

Her heart raced as she descended the stairs, her flight instincts rushing through her body as she neared the door.

But Hackett entered just as she was passing the piano.

“What the hell is this, Shepard?” Hackett asked angrily. She didn’t need to answer, she already knew what he was talking about. “You’re taking leave? Now?”

“Yes,” she answered. Her mask firmly in place and her voice flat. Shepard had hoped to be gone before he read it. All she could do now was control the situation to the best of her ability.

“Is this about last night?”

_Yes. And the last thirteen years of wanting what I can’t have._ “No, you want me to make a decision and I need time to think about it. I’m leaving whether or not you approve it.”

“Damn it, Shepard, we need a decision now!”

“My personal life is not yours to command,” she growled before shoving passed him. Captain the Normandy or represent humanity as a Council member. “And I’ll take as long as I need to make the decision that’s best for me.”

She could hear his footfalls behind her as she made her way down the hall to the elevator. “Shepard, please,” he said tiredly.

“Try not to trash my apartment. And make sure to empty the fridge when your apartment becomes available.” Shepard pressed the button for the lobby. “I don’t want to come back to rotten food.”

“Shepard,” he tried again, but she wasn’t having it.

“The spare room is yours for as long as you need it.” Shepard sighed when the elevator doors shut, leaving her alone in the small box with the sound of her racing heart and unsteady inhales.

It was easy enough finding an Alliance Captain that would give her a ride to Earth. The crew was happy to have a legend on board and Shepard was just glad to not have to take a civilian transport. Alliance members had professionalism, civilians did not.

The trip would be short so she just parked herself in the helm in an empty co-pilots seat. The pilot was curious but didn’t seem to mind as she plopped down on her stomach, her chin resting on the edge of the foot rest while she watched the stars fly by. This was one of her favorite things.

And something she’d miss if she took the Council position.

“You do this on your ship, Commander?” The pilot asked quietly.

“All the time,” she answered honestly. “Nothing more amazing than watching stars fly by.”

“That’s a romantic way to look at it.”

Shepard snorted. “Maybe. But really just a farmer’s fantasy.”

The man hummed as his fingers flew over the interface. Not unlike watching Joker. “You single, Commander?”

Shepard’s brow raised at the unexpected question. “Yes.”

“You busy later?” He purred.

Shepard rested her chin in the palm of her hand as she turned her head to take him in. He wasn’t as big as Vega, but he was large and muscular. Black hair, gray eyes, and a strong jawline under the five o’clock shadow. Quite handsome if she did say so herself. “Later yes. Now? No.”

“And what would I tell my Captain when I lock down the doors? Should he ask...”

“High-Priority call I had to take from the Council,” she answered as she rose from the co-pilots chair.

The man’s chair moved back, the seat laying back slightly for their ease before he quickly pushed his pants down over his hips. His gray eyes already darkening as he watched her.

What she wouldn’t give for Hackett to look at her like that.

“Open your shirt,” she commanded as she removed a boot before sliding her pants down and freeing a leg.

“As the lady wishes,” he replied huskily.

“What name am I going to be moaning?” Shepard asked as she straddled him, his half-hard erection pressing against her.

The man sighed as she ground herself against him, his hands touching as much skin as he could. “You’ll laugh.”

“Old name then,” she surmised.

“Yeah.” They both moaned when she took him inside of her. The sting told her she’d gone too long without a bedmate, but the throbbing telling her it wouldn’t take much to send her over the edge. “Albert,” he grunted.

“Albert,” Shepard purred against his lips, his body shuddering under her. “I can’t tell you how much I need this release.”

“So tight,” he whispered, his voice near breathless as she rocked her hips slowly. “So…” Albert moaned. “Fucking good.”

Gods she wanted to taste his lips so bad but she was close. Each rock of her hips bringing her closer and closer to the precipice. “Albert,” she whimpered, his hands gripping her hips tight as his lust filled eyes watched her fall over the edge.

When her body stuttered as the waves of pleasure consumed her, Albert thrust up into her at the same speed she’d found her release. Her soft moans filled the air of the helm as relief and relaxation filled her muscles.

Albert slowed, his hand sliding easily under her tank top and running over the muscles as he made his way to her breasts. “Can I push this up?”

Shepard nodded, her body still and near limp on top of him as he pushed her top up and over her breasts. It was almost easy to forget about his cock inside of her, until it twitched when he cupped her small breasts.

Leaning forward, she grazed her lips across his. That was all the invitation Albert needed. She swallowed down his moan as he pulled her bare chest flush against his as his tongue mimicked the movement of his cock.

Shepard gasped when his hips jerked hard against her. A light sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead, his grunt soft and gasps needy as she rode him. Then he halted, muscles straining as his arms wrapped around her back to hold her in place. She could feel the warm ropes of cum inside of her as he muffled his soft moan against her shoulder.

Silence descended over them. The gentle hum of the ship just as relaxing as it was on the _Normandy._

Their bodies were shivering as the sweat dried, both too relaxed to move until a beep had him looking over her shoulder.

“Arriving in fifteen minutes, Commander,” Albert told her quietly before he stole a slow, lingering kiss.

Shepard was back in her position by the time Earth came into view. The two relaxed soldiers quiet while Shepard enjoyed the sight as much as she could.

“Commander,” the Captain greeted as he entered the helm. “I hope your ride was enjoyable?”

Albert cleared his throat, his fingers moving on the interface. “The best ride in a long time, Sir. Thank you.”

“Excellent. It’s been a pleasure,” the Captain said before exiting the helm and making his way down the hall.

“Pretty sure the pleasure was all ours,” Albert quipped.

“You got that right,” Shepard agreed. “See you around, Flight Commander.”

“Commander,” the man replied with a smirk and a nod farewell.


	3. Interview 2

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Commander Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Council Spectre.**

**_Subject: Most Memorable Mission – any at all_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_This is a really hard question simply because there are so many. I know a lot of people are going to think it was the Skyllian Blitz. But it wasn’t. The Blitz was insane but it wasn’t the most memorable._

_The scariest as in heart-in-my-throat-heart-stopping scary? When we invaded the Collector homeworld to find my crew. It was horrifying. I couldn’t sleep for days after we got back. My crew was traumatized, my squadmates…well, they’re a tough bunch but I could tell it affected them._

_The funniest had to be during my hunt for Saren. We were on *pause* shit, what was the name of that planet? It doesn’t matter I suppose. We were dealing with a Thorian. It was an intelligent plant-based life form that was dead set on killing us so we killed it first. But its slaves were dubbed Thorian Creepers...they were the creepiest fucking thing I had seen at that point. Now, you know how tough krogan and turians are. *Laughter* Our first run in with the creepers had all of us screaming like frightened children. These things were scary, ugly, easy to kill, and they smelled awful. Imagine a krogan battlemaster screaming when one of these things charged him. *Laughter* And a battle-hardened turian squawking…*Laughter* Oh sure, it was scary while it was happening, but I laughed for hours once we finally made it back to the ship._

_*Pause*_

_The most heartbreaking was easily Virmire when I had to leave Kaidan behind. He activated the bomb and told me to rescue Ash and get the hell out of there. I was angry. I certainly didn’t want to leave behind a vital and loved member of my crew. He took the choice out of my hands, he had always been like that...kind and giving. His sacrifice is still honored today._

_The most heartwarming was when we were able to save a clutch of eggs by locating and supplying a heating amp. I heard they named the first hatched after me. I’d like to meet the youngster someday._

_The most haunting of my entire career was the first time I saw a Banshee. Sometimes its screams still wake me at night. Seeing a Banshee indoctrinate an asari… It was unsettling. So unsettling. And once someone was indoctrinated, there was no going back. We couldn’t save them. Out of that whole mission we saved one. Out of hundreds. The Asari Commandos that were sent before the Asari government contacted me had managed to set up the bombs before they lost their lives. It was horrific. Not all of the Commando’s had been killed outright. Some had been...mutilated._

_The sights of that hell hole still haunt me._

_*Recording stopped…_


	4. Chapter 4

Shepard spent a week hiding out in the mountains in Colorado. To be honest, after the second day it fucking sucked. But she stuck it out thinking it was just her being used to a military life. It wasn’t.

She tried to learn to crochet since there were supplies for her use. Then knitting. Wood carving, cooking, and sewing. She just wasn’t built for crafts and cooking. She built a snowman and made snow angels. Neither held the enjoyment and excitement as it had when she was a child.

It was cold, snowy, and boring.

Now she was on an Alliance shuttle to Los Angeles to enjoy living in a luxury hotel for a few days. There was no doubt in Shepard’s mind she would be just as bored as she had been in Colorado.

Maybe it was just not having a workload. Maybe it was because she was alone trying to mend the sting of rejection. Maybe she was just too used to killing and war.

“Hey, Shep.”

“Kasumi,” Shepard greeted with a smirk. “Fancy meeting you in this shuttle.”

“Admiral Hackett has me tracking you. I’m so glad you left the mountains. It was cold!”

Shepard chuckled. “Why not just join me instead of following me?”

“Okay.”

“I’m sure the Admiral would enjoy some holos of me getting drunk and looking for a bedmate.”

“Mission accepted,” Kasumi said with a sly smile. “You make things so fun.”

“Just make sure you send me a duplicate email. I might be able to sell a few holos for charity.”

The pair checked into Shepard’s hotel before Kasumi disappeared on a shopping trip. Shepard hoped the thief paid for the items she brought back. But knowing the small Asian ninja, it would all be lifted.

* * *

The bass thumping through the club had a completely different feeling than the club music on the Citadel. The bass was intoxicating, making her buzz even more effective at relaxing the aching muscles in her body.

Bodies pressed tightly against her, moving erotically with the beat. She’d already let it be known she wasn’t bedding anyone tonight. But dancing was fair game. And with the killer outfit Kasumi dressed her in, she was sure it looked as raunchy as it felt, but she couldn’t find a fuck to give in that moment.

She would spend hours dancing and drinking. Only stopping when her feet began to ache. Kasumi wrapped a possessive arm around Shepard’s waist as they left, letting the people think she was taken. Even though it wouldn’t really matter, but they got the hint well enough this time.

“Thanks for watching my back.”

“You’ve got to relax sometime, Shepard,” Kasumi told her as they made their way back to the hotel.

* * *

Shepard awoke to another boring day. But it was a little better with Kasumi there. Kas took her to a spa. They enjoyed eyeing half-naked men as they waited on the women. 

They went to the movies to watch some of Kasumi’s favorites. Shepard was a little surprised she enjoyed the films. She’d been too busy fighting a war to figure out what genre of films were her personal favorite.

By the time darkness fell, they were out clubbing again. 

With the alcohol strong in her body, she allowed men and women alike to press against her on the dance floor, their hands groping her bared waist while steering clear of the more intimate areas. 

It was enjoyable and freeing.

Kasumi made sure no one followed them before she safely got Shepard back to her hotel suite. It took seconds for Shepard to feel sleeping rushing toward her.

* * *

Shepard automatically answered her omnitool when it notified her of in incoming call. She didn’t know what time it was, but it was dark in her room. She was still feeling the buzz of alcohol, and she was pretty sure she was naked but it would take too much energy to check, so she remained perfectly still. There was a pillow under her cheek, and a pillow under her arm as she hugged it to her body. Whomever called would get a nice view of the back of her naked upper body.

[Shepard, you’re starting to be more trouble than you’re worth,] an angry voice told her.

“Thanks, Udina,” she mumbled, not even feeling bad for the insult.

[Udina is dead.]

“My condolences, oh right… I’m the one that shot him and yet he said that exact same line to me once. Fucking bastard.”

Hackett sighed. [I know that’s not a death threat.] Shepard said nothing. She didn’t even bother to open her eyes and look at him lighting up her omnitool. [Hello? Are you awake or did you spend too much time getting drunk and having orgies?]

Shepard snorted, “I don’t do orgies. One penis at a time, thank you very much.”

[Damn it, Shepard. What would happen if someone else was taking holos of you?]

“They’d probably make some damn good credits. Especially with the way Kasumi dressed me last night. I might even sell one myself.”

[I knew I should have gotten someone else,] Hackett muttered.

“Yeah, preferably someone I don’t know. With a penis,” Shepard said tiredly. “But not too big of a penis. I’m still a little sore from the last one.”

[That’s information I don’t need to know, Shepard.]

“Then you shouldn’t wake me up and expect me to be able to function my filter,” she scolded. “When will the Orizaba be back this way? I’d like to give Albert another spin.”

[Damn it, Shepard,] Hackett groaned. [You can’t tell me this…]

“Yeah, yeah. Regs. Fuck the regs. I’m a Spectre, I can fuck who I want, Hackett. I can marry who I want and have babies with whomever tickles my fucking fancy.”

[Shepard…]

“No. I’ve sacrificed enough, have I not? Have I not given enough to the Alliance and the damn Council that I can have my own private life without someone with a stick up their ass waiting in the shadows to write me up?”

[Are you saying I have a stick up my ass, Shepard?]

“A very large stick.” Shepard yawned. “Probably spent too much time behind a desk and now that stick is permanent.”

[That’s not very nice.]

“I’m not a nice person.”

[When will you be home? You didn’t fill in a return date.]

“When I decide whether or not I want to raise a kid on the ship or the Citadel.”

[You’re planning on having a baby? Already?]

Shepard snorted, “What are you talking about ‘already’? I’ve wanted a child for years. And with the sudden decrease of suicide missions, now’s a good of time as any.”

[I wasn’t aware of that.]

“Why would you be? You don’t ask personal questions. You give orders.”

Hackett sighed, his silence almost making her open her eyes. [Would you like my personal opinion?]

“I guess,” she answered with a sigh. “Not like you to keep your mouth shut where my life is concerned.”

[The _Normandy_ isn’t a large enough place to raise a child.]

“It was big enough for Grunt.”

[Grunt was born full grown and ready to fight.]

Grunt had still needed an education. He’d been born with picture memories that made no sense. But he had been nearly full grown at the time of his birth. She hated when other people were right. Damn it. She loved her ship, but it wasn’t big enough to raise a child. Being cooped up on a ship for months at a time was hard on adults. “Sometimes I really don’t like you.”

Hackett chuckled. [You only say that because I’m right.]

_I hate that I love you._ “Fine. I’ll head home and take the fucking Council position so I can sit behind a desk for the rest of my fucking life and get fat and ugly.”

[Are you still drunk?]

“A little,” she admitted. It wasn’t the best time to decide her future.

[I doubt you’ll ever get ugly. But fat? Pregnancy does make a woman…expand.]

“That’s just cruel.” What did he mean she’d never get ugly? Wasn’t he old enough to see how high-stress jobs age people?

[I’ll see you soon, Shepard. Hackett out.]

_Hackett out. Blah blah blah. The jerk._


	5. Interview 3

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Commander Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Council Spectre.**

**_Subject: Admiral Hackett_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_Hackett is an excellent leader. Many look up to him._

_Professionally, there is no better ally than Admiral Hackett. He’s proved he’s loyal to the Alliance in many ways over the years. He’s supportive to the men and women that serve under him. Professionally, he’s irreplaceable._

_Personally, I don’t know Hackett well enough to give you my thoughts. I do know he’s a good cook which is surprising for a long-time bachelor. He’s tidy like most Alliance leaders._

_To have his support through the years has been one of the biggest factors of my success. It was Hackett that recommended I take over the Normandy once I became a Spectre. It was also Hackett that defended me when I took non-humans on board my ship._

_That’s all I can tell you but you can find the summary of his career on the Alliance extranet site._

_*Recording stopped._

 

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Commander Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Council Spectre.**

**_Subject: Most improved Squadmate_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_This one is pretty easy. There isn’t just one though. So let’s stick with the SR1._

_During my initial investigation into Saren, before I became a Spectre, I picked up Garrus and Tali. Now Tali had damning evidence and she wished to stay with said evidence. That turned into a year-long hunt for a rogue Spectre. Tali was on her Pilgrimage at the time._

_For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a right into adulthood that all quarians do. For humans that would be going off to college or joining the military. For krogan it was a rite that proved how strong they were though that could change now._

_Anyway, Tali was just a kid then. Incredibly smart and fairly battle adept. But she needed work as many people do. Her ‘college’ education consisted of studying under Engineer Adams where she helped clean up our main drive. During her stint on the SR2, I named her Head Engineer. Tali’s battle prowess improved dramatically during her time on the _Normandy_. Now she’s an Admiral for the quarian people._

_Garrus Vakarian was a hot-headed C-Sec officer that had been charged with looking through Saren’s files. Keep in mind Saren’s files were blacked out. It was a task in name only to appease humanity. However Garrus had a hunch. Turned out to be right after we got Tali and the physical evidence we needed._

_Garrus learned a lot during his stay on the Normandy. Hot-headed turned methodical. Because of learning patience under my guidance, his sniping skill vastly improved. And yes, he beat me in competition. You’re welcome, Garrus. Now everyone knows._

_My favorite turian is a mathematical savant. His attention to detail, laser focus, and newly improved patience is what kept the Normandy’s guns at optimal condition during our war with the Collector’s and Reapers. I still tease him about his calibrations._

_I selfishly like to think that all the squadmates that served under me benefitted from my experiences and hopefully learned from me and improved their own prowess in all fields. But like I said, that’s me being selfish. Truth is, every single one of them taught me so much during our time together. I’m fond of them, even you Zaeed. You daft bitch. *soft laughter*_

_*Recording stopped._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Late in the day update, sorry!! I've not been feeling well today ( Only Hackett/FemShep fics can be the cure, right?) Enjoy the next chapter, and as always...HUGE THANKS to my beta/co-writer!! SHe's the bestest.

The apartment was dark when she got in. Shepard scolded herself for hoping Hackett would be up waiting for her. Stupid girl. She’d never learn. She wished she could’ve had more time to get over him. Thirteen years of wanting needed more than a few weeks of ‘vacation’.

“Damn it, Shepard,” Hackett grumbled as he slid out of the shadows in nothing but loose pajama pants. Now she’d never get to sleep. “I didn’t think you’d be back until tomorrow.” The click of him putting the safety on the pistol in his hand pulled her out of her own brain.

“Put a shirt on,” she told him before forcing herself to look away. She ignored the heat in her core and the flutter of her heart as he followed her up the stairs.

“We need to talk about my apartment.”

“What about it?”

“Earth leadership doesn’t want me there. I have to find more secure lodging.”

“I already told you that you could stay as long as you need,” she told him as she dropped her bag on a chair in her room. She’d unpack later. Or never.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Instead of answering, she began changing without a second thought. Being an N7 and a Spectre didn’t give her the luxury of privacy very often. She’d changed so often in front of other changing teammates that it just felt normal. “What’s tomorrow’s plans?”

Hackett cleared his throat, “Your promotion ceremony, changing hands of the _Normandy_ , and setting up your office before you’re officiated as a Councilor.”

“I hope that promotion comes with a pay raise,” Shepard muttered as she pulled a fresh tank top over her head. “I’m losing the Spectre pay as soon as I’m a Councilor.”

“It does.”

“I don’t want a ceremony. Just make it happen on paper.”

“Shepard,” Hackett started.

“No,” she interrupted. There had been more than enough ceremonies in the last year.

“Fine,” he conceded.

Shepard groaned when her omnitool went off with a high priority call. “Shepard.”

[Commander, I’m sorry to disturb you this late, but...] Doctor Chakwas said, her voice tight. [We have a problem.]

“Who needs broken out of C-Sec this time?”

[You’re three months overdue for birth control,] Chakwas said, completely ignoring Shepard’s question.

“Don’t worry about it, Karin. I’ve had sex a whole one time in the last year so I doubt it’ll be an issue,” Shepard told her.

[That may be, but I want to scan you.]

Shepard rolled her eyes, Hackett still leaning against her doorway. He probably wanted to change her mind about a promotion celebration. “Can Hackett scan me real quick so you can stop worrying about me? We’ve already discussed this, I want to have a baby at some point.”

[Yes to Hackett, and I’ll always worry about you.] Karin told her. Shepard stood still as Hackett prepped his scanner. [Well?]

“How long ago did you have sex?” Hackett asked Shepard.

It was just too weird but she knew she had to answer for Karin. “The same day I left. Two weeks?”

[That’s too soon for there to beat a heartbeat, instead look for pea sized shadow.]

“Like this?” Hackett asked as he held his omnitool up for the doctor to see through Shepard’s.

[I can’t tell, send the holo to me.]

As soon as Hackett sent the holo, Shepard was pulling his arm to look at it herself. One tiny little shadow.

[Yes, looks like you’re pregnant. I’m so sorry.] Karin sighed. [It’s too soon to know if it will survive and I will need to do precise measurements.]

“I’m pregnant,” Shepard whispered as she took in the tiny bean. “Well….that was fast.”

[Do you know who the father is? I’ll need his medical charts.]

“Of course I do, I’m not the kind of woman that screws whatever dick is offered up,” Shepard replied heatedly.

[I know, Commander, and I didn’t mean to imply. I’m no innocent, especially inside the regs.] 

Karin knew her too well. Most of her lovers had been inside the Alliance. “See, Hackett? Everyone breaks the frat regs.”

“I don’t want to know any of this,” Hackett told the women.

[Since you’re living with Commander for the time being you’ll just have to pretend nothing was said and deal with it. As a doctor I can tell you that no one follows frat regs.]

“Flight Commander Albert Ragnar, Icelandic descent and a slight accent,” Shepard told Karin. “He’s on the Orizaba but I can give you Spectre clearance to get his med files. I think it best I tell him myself, too. Especially since it was just a stress relief thing.”

[I’m so sorry, Commander.]

“It’s okay,” Shepard replied. “I’m not sure how a fling is going to take the news, but I _did_ want a baby.”

[Come see me tomorrow.]

“I will, there’s a few announcements I need to make anyway.”

[Gather the crew?]

“Yes, see you tomorrow.”

Pregnant. Holy shit. She stood there, her back to Hackett, as she continued to stare at the shadow in the holo. Her heart was in her ears and her stomach fluttering.

“I can send it to you,” he said quietly. All she could do was nod, but she didn’t let go of his hand. _Pregnant._

Shepard released him with a shuddery exhale. She was going to have a baby. So why was she on the verge of tears? This was what she wanted, right? Shepard groaned as reality set in.

“Shepard?”

“What am I thinking? Leaving my ship, the only family I have, to raise a child on my own…” Great she was panicking. Shepard didn’t panic. Ever. All she could do was let the laughter out that was bubbling up as she sat heavily on her bed.

“You need to breath, Shepard. Big inhale,” Hackett told her as he knelt in front of her. “I’ll be here.”

That was just icing on the cake, wasn’t it? A man she loved but couldn’t have would be here watching her swell with another man’s seed. Gods that was just priceless. And awful. Her laughter quickly turned to sobs.

No amount of wanting a family of her own prepared her for how alone she would feel. No husband or partner. No mother to ask for advice, no father or brother. There was nothing. Only a baby growing inside of her.

“Tell me what you need.”

“I already did!” she choked out. “Just…go. Please just let me have some time alone.”

“Shepard,” he whispered. It wasn’t a loving whisper but one of regret.

“Just. Go.”


	7. Interview 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm feeling a little better today. I could still go for more hackett/FemShep fics to devour but it is what it is. I post the chapter with the scent of beans, onion, and bacon cooking in the crock pot. I can't wait for dinner and it's not even lunch! Happy reading <33
> 
> * * *

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Commander Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Council Spectre.**

**_Subject: First human Spectre_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_I won’t lie, there was no amount of preparations that can ready anyone for becoming a Spectre. You’re required to buy your own weapons and armor which is completely different from the Alliance. Well, unless you want something that isn’t offered._

_Not only did I become a Spectre, I also became the Captain of the Normandy. Which turned out to be a blessing, really. How many Spectre’s get fully backed by their military? To be honest, I haven’t heard of any._

_I had a crew, a fast ship, and a squad at my disposal. That made my job a hell of a lot easier. I think my success as a Spectre is because of the Alliance and my team. In return for their hard work, I personally paid for their upgraded armor and weapons with money I had earned from completed missions and locating resources._

_They liked to tease me about spoiling them, but they deserved it. They are some of the most badass, hardworking people out there._

_I’m not a typical leader. I know humanities former Ambassador, and a few Alliance Admiral’s were livid about me taking on non-human crew. At least until the rumors of my success started flowing. They were all far too low rank to read even a snippet of the reports and I know that made them butt-hurt. I didn’t care, and still don’t._

_Our success has a lot to do with being different. I think winning the Reaper War, a war that raged for millions of years, is proof of that._

_It’s an honor to be humanities first Spectre._

_The hard part is balancing my work life and public life. I don’t want kids growing up thinking it’s a shoot now ask questions later type of job. It really isn’t. You have to be well rounded to be able to be successful as a Spectre. It isn’t just about hunting down bad guys. It’s also information gathering, aiding those in need, helping where you can, and keeping the peace. It’s about being a politician and detective before a soldier._

_And sometimes, it’s about hunting down and eliminating rogue co-workers. I’ve had to kill two Spectre’s that thought they were all mighty Gods instead of just people serving the galaxy. You can’t do this job and remain numb to everything around you. You can’t choose to let civilians die simply because the bad guys are in the middle._

_It is a hard job. And I understand now more than ever that you are born with the skills to do the job effectively. Some things can’t be taught or learned. You can’t teach compassion, you have to feel it._

_It may sound like I’m romanticizing being a Spectre. Trust me when I tell you there is nothing romantic about it._

_Being a Spectre means being able to face horrors you didn’t think existed from other beings we live with in this galaxy. It means saving a child but being unable to save its mother. Choosing between letting the hostage die or dozens that could follow if the bad guy gets away._

_This life isn’t for the faint hearted. You have to be able to feel the pain of failure, heal, and move forward in a short amount of time. Because there is always another high-priority mission that needs immediate attention._

_Make no mistake, this isn’t a career. Spectre’s rarely live long enough for this job to be a career. And normally when they do, they go rogue. Their hearts become too numb to process anything. Then a younger generation is expected take them down. No this isn’t a career, it’s a job._

_*sigh* A really hard, dangerous job._

_*Recording stopped._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm miserable today. You will find me sipping coffee in my chair with a box of tissues on my right and my laptop on my lap. Approach with caution: Insomnia is a cruel mistress.
> 
> * * *

It was hard saying goodbye to her crew. They were understandably upset at the sudden announcement. Ashley was just plain flabbergasted. The second human Spectre couldn’t put two words together as she tried to take in the information.

And the news of Captaining the Normandy.

“I’m not ready, Shepard,” Ashley said as she entered Shepard’s quarters. Soon to be Ash’s.

“You were there when they gave me the ship, did you think I was ready?”

“You looked confident!”

“I was anything but. How did I do, Ash? In the beginning?” Shepard asked as she closed the last crate.

“You were amazing. The best leader I’ve ever had,” Ashley told her.

“It was easy caring about my crew. On a small ship like this that’s important,” Shepard told her. “Knowing your crew, doing rounds every day? Those are important to the people serving under you.”

“I don’t think I can do this.”

“Ash, I’m only a call away. I know you’re ready.”

Ashley nodded, her inhale sharp as she pulled herself together. “I won’t let you down.”

“Honestly, I never doubted that. Just look at your ship like your family. You’re the big sister, you can lead with ease and guess what? They rarely talk back. Well, except for Joker.”

“That is definitely something I can work with. Thanks, Skipper.”

Shepard sighed, her smile genuine as she hugged Ashley. “Look at my little Gunnery Chief all grown up!”

“Thanks to you,” Ash whispered.

“Thanks to whatever dumbass posted you at Eden Prime,” Shepard replied. “Gave me a badass chick with a mean right hook.”

* * *

The scans with Chakwas didn’t take long. Everything looked normal, thankfully, and the fathers medical records were good so there were no health concerns.

It was harder saying goodbye to her trusted Medical Chief, simply because Shepard had a hard time trusting people. But perhaps Doctor Michel would be an okay replacement.

Once she got moved out of the Normandy, she watched with a little sadness as the crew lifted off without her. With a sigh, she shouldered her bags and hefted her crate filled with ship models and an unhappy gerbil.

On her way to SilverSun Strip, Shepard pulled up Albert’s contact information Chakwas had given her from his med file. It was time to get this over with.

_  
Shepard: Hey Albert, it’s Shepard._

_Ragnar: Hey, what’s up? Looking for another ride?_

_S: Ha! No. Are you sitting down?_

_R: Yes…should I be worried? You don’t have an STD do you?_

_S: No. I’m pregnant._

_R: Pregnant?_

_S: Pregnant. My medical officer was swarmed and neither of us realized I was overdue for a BC shot. So…._

_R: Okay and I’m assuming it’s mine because you’re texting me._

_S: Yes. And I’d prefer honesty over some chivalrous honor crap._

_R: I don’t want children._

_S: Okay._

_R: That’s it? No arguments or threats of taking me to court?_

_S: That’s it. I don’t need child support and I’ll not force a kid on you. I do want children, however._

_R: I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful sod, but are you sure you don’t want anything from me?_

_S: No, really. I just thought you should know. I didn’t think it was fair to not tell you._

_R: Now who’s being chivalrous?_

_S: Albert, I won’t lie. You were a magnificent ride that I felt for days._

_R: Why thank you._

_S: But I’m not the kind of person that would keep such a big thing from you. You don’t want to be a father, that’s perfectly okay. And please know that while I did want children, I did not plan this._

_R: I believe you, Shepard. Relax. Just do me a favor after it’s born?_

_S: What’s that?_

_R: Send a holo now and then. Being an Uncle is one of my favorite things._

_S: It’s a deal._

_R: And, Shep?_

_S: Yes?_

_R: Thanks for making me like my name ;)_

_S: LMAO! It was an absolute honor, Albert._

* * *

“Damn it, Shepard,” Hackett said as he jogged to the door and quickly took her luggage. “You shouldn’t be hefting stuff.”

“For fuck’s sake. It’s a plastic crate filled with plastic ships. And my pet.”

Shepard did her best to ignore the man until it was time to go to her new office and prepare it for her future use.

The office itself was nearly empty. Much like it had been when Udina used it. Traitorous fuck.

“Tell me what you want for the office and I’ll make it happen,” Hackett told her as she looked out on the Presidium.

“Comfortable couch, rugs, fake trees and plants. I want it to be relaxing.”

“And for a secretary?”

“Find Kelly Chambers,” she told him.

“Have you notified the Flight Commander?”

Shepard rolled her eyes, it really wasn’t Hackett’s business. “Yes I have and you’re not to write him up for fucking me.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

“But you and that stick want to.”

“I was just curious as to how he took the news is all, Shepard,” he told her, his hands up in surrender.

“He would rather be the Uncle that dotes on the child on occasion which works just fine for me,” Shepard told him. “Otherwise, I’d be tempted to take Albert for another ride.”

“Shepard,” Hackett complained.

“What?” Shepard asked, humor lacing her voice. “He’s got a really nice dick. Those are hard to come by. No pun intended.”

“Jesus,” Hackett muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. “Fine, he was a good ride. Now can we please leave?”

“This office still reeks of Udina.”

“I’ll have it decontaminated,” Hackett told her gently.

With a nod, she allowed him to escort her from the embassies and to the transport. It would be a hard adjustment becoming a Councilor instead of being a soldier.


	9. Interview 5

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Commander Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Council Spectre.**

**_Subject: Reaper War_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_Jeez. *Pause, sigh*_

_You know I’d been fighting the Reapers since 2183. Leadership wouldn’t believe me but I understand. It was a huge thing to take in. Astronomical, really. Trusting a fresh Spectre…_

_When they finally showed up in 2186 for everyone else to see…_

_Well, I had hoped we’d be more prepared. Garrus and Castis Vakarian were able to prepare for the mythical enemy on Palaven. I say mythical because that was what leadership called the enemy we’d been fighting in the shadows. Without the Vakarians, the turian people would have lost a lot more of their population._

_Admiral’s Hackett and Anderson did their best to prepare humanity for war. They always believed me. Having that support outside of my ship was…relieving._

_I had to walk around the Citadel listening to some reporter say I had been disgraced. *Snort* Fucking disgraced. That angered me. I think that was because there were so many people in the refugee bays. So many dead and dying. And there was little I could do personally. I had never been disgraced professionally. But I sure felt it._

_The war weighed heavily on my shoulders. Civilians and military alike expected me to be the Super Hero the news networks made my past accomplishments out to be. They ignored me for years then suddenly I was their only hope at defeating the enemy I had warned them about. Everyone forgot I was just a human._

_I had nightmares, I lost friends..._

_But they wanted to know how soon I’d end the war. As if it were up to me and me alone. They wouldn’t let me mourn or so much as breathe._

_Because of all the pressure, I lost sleep. I wasn’t eating well and I sank into depression. Had it not been for my crew, Hackett, and Anderson, I would have lost myself in that war._

_Civilians wanted to believe I was indestructible and I understand that. They needed hope and that hope had manifested into me._

_But it wasn’t the billions of people hanging in the balance that got me to activate the Crucible and end the war. It was Mordin, Thane, and Legion spurring me on from Valhalla. *Loud exhale* My former crewmates that died telling me to keep going. It was David telling me he was proud of me with his last breath. *Muffled sob* It was Hackett calling for me as I struggled to stay conscious. They kept me on task when I could barely stand on my own. The strength and fear in their voices forced me to my feet._

_I couldn’t have survived the bowels of the Citadel without them._

_And I couldn’t have come back from the horrors I saw if not for those people._

_We all need someone to lean on when we no longer have the strength. And my crew and my leadership were my support pillars. Without them… *sigh* I don’t know. I don’t like to think about what would have happened without them._

_*Recording stopped._


	10. Chapter 10

Settling in as Councilor was rather boring. As promised, Hackett had made her office as relaxing and comfortable as possible. But she’d been too sick to enjoy it. Her comfort in the office had been short lived when the physical side effects of pregnancy hit her like a ton of bricks.

Morning sickness was a bitch.

Which is what she was experiencing right in this moment. The toilet in her master bathroom had become her dearest friend over the last two months.

A sigh left her as a cool rag was draped across her neck.

That was another problem. Hackett and his never ending affection as he stayed at arm’s length. The bastard.

“Done?”

She couldn’t trust herself talking to him. Not when her throat ached from vomiting and her heart literally on display. Instead, she nodded and let the shirtless man help her to her feet. It was terribly unfair.

Brushing her teeth made her gag, but she refused to walk around feeling like everyone could see the vomit on her teeth. Even if it was usually just liquid.

“Take this,” Hackett told her, holding one of her nausea pills in front of her mouth. She opened her mouth like a good little patient and let him drop it on her tongue. It dissolved in seconds. “Get dressed and come downstairs. I made you some breakfast. And don’t groan, Doctor Michel said you need the protein.”

“Fine,” Shepard whispered roughly. “Dad,” she added just because she was feeling a little pissed. The jerk had the nerve to stand there all sexy and beautiful while attending to her needs.

“That’s just weird, Shepard.”

What was weird was Hackett going to all her appointments with her. But whatever.

* * *

“You can’t have coffee.”

“Kiss my ass,” Shepard told him.

“That’s not very nice, Shepard.”

“I’ve told you before: I’m not a nice person, Steven,” she returned with a fake smile before sipping on her coffee.

“I’ll just stop making coffee, _Jane_.”

“Jane? Oh, right…I keep forgetting my first name isn’t Commander.” It was an odd thing to hear, and even harder to adjust to being Admiral Shepard. “And you won’t stop making coffee. It’s your life force as much as its mine.”

“Will you at least switch to decaf as you progress?”

The damn man was seriously worried. “Yes, if it’ll get you off my back.”

His shoulders relaxed when he absorbed her answer. “It’s probably time we get you some maternity clothes, too.”

“Kelly can do that for me,” Shepard told him. She hated shopping unless it was for guns or armor.

Hackett sighed, “Okay, what about baby shopping?”

“If people see you baby shopping with me then they’ll think it’s yours and then the stick in your ass will explode and your oh-so perfect reputation with the regs gone.” She said quickly. “Poof.”

“Why are you so frustrating?”

“Why are you so worried about the regs?” She replied, her voice flat as she tried to hide her emotions.

“My record is spotles-”

“Is that really how you want your life remembered?” Jane asked, feeling sad for the man. “That your record was impeccable?” Shepard stood and shrugged her uniform jacket on. “If my mother lived, she would have been sorely disappointed if I lived by the regs for the entirety of my life.” Taking the last drink of her coffee, she set the mug in the sink. “I choose to honor her memory and make _myself_ happy.”

“Jane…”

“What do you have to lose, Admiral? You’re irreplaceable. There is no one alive in the Alliance with your experience. What could they possibly do to you?” She turned and faced him. “Take your stripes?” Her laughter was humorless. “Tell you that you’ve been a bad boy? How much of yourself are you willing to sacrifice?”

She spun on her heel and left before the anger did more than make her blood pressure rise. The damn man was a pain to deal with. Maybe living with him was all she needed to let go. He called her frustrating but it was him that-... Shepard inhaled then exhaled slowly. Now she was raising her own blood pressure. 

By the time lunch rolled around, Shepard was weeping in frustration. Before noon she’d experienced the most frequent emotions humans often show during pregnancy. And that made it even more difficult for her. 

Frustration, anger, self-pity… 

And that was just the first half of her day.

Taking this job was the most horrible decision she’d made in her life thus far.

“Jane, what’s wrong? Is it the baby?”

Stupid Hackett and his need to make sure she was eating enough. And she was angry with herself. “I can’t do this job,” she ground out between sobs. “I don’t understand the words they use. I’m an ignorant farm girl unfit for public office.”

“No, no you aren’t ignorant,” he told her before hugging her tight. “It just takes getting used to, I promise.”

“They’ll all know I’m stupid,” she cried into his neck before he pushed her away to look at her pathetic tear-streaked face.

“Listen to me, you aren’t stupid.” Hackett pushed hair out of her face and wiped her tears away. “I went through this too when I joined leadership. We all go through it.”

“Promise?” This was pitiful. But she was overwhelmed.

“I promise,” he told her before he stood. “I brought lunch, let’s eat and I’ll see if I can help you make sense of it.”

But he did make sense of it. And he told what it meant without making her feel like she was unworthy of the position she held. And damn it if it didn’t make her love him more.

Some days she really hated herself.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my word what a week. We have all been sick here. Then, nails and screws began appearing in my tires...again. Someone doesn't like me *shrugs* but I've got a few security cams coming in. THEN my roof leaked into my breaker box and praise the spirits I caught it before it cause a fire. It has been a hard week on me. Plus....I'm sorely lacking a sexy Valentine. But oh well, I suppose. I do however want to wish you all a Happy Valentine's Day. I should be back to regularly scheduled programming now that the breaker box is repaired and my roof is being attended to. Much love to you all and thank you so much for checking in on me! I appreciate you!!
> 
> * * *

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Admiral Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Former Council Spectre, Council Member.**

**_Subject: Saren Arterius_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_There isn’t much I can say about Saren personally. I didn’t know him._

_What I can tell you, is the Saren that invaded the Citadel wasn’t the Spectre that had faithfully served the Council. I don’t care how many people try to argue the point with me. I was there, you weren’t._

_I read through Saren’s files. There’s no doubt that he was uncaring in many ways. As for what he cared about? Oddly enough, life. I know it’s hard to believe, especially since he sacrificed civilians several times._

_By the time I was being considered for a Spectre, Saren was already being indoctrinated. At that time, Saren was the only one to know about the Reapers and the warning beacons that the Protheans had left behind from their cycle._

_I watched, horrified, as the turian changed more and more every time we went up against each other. The Reapers had a hard time indoctrinating him. I think it was because he was so stubborn. *Chuckle* For around twenty years, after his first exposure to a Reaper, he was able to fight indoctrination._

_Just imagine what would’ve happened if Sovereign had succeeded twenty years ago?_

_Anyway, by the time I caught up with Saren in the Citadel tower, he was fighting the whispers in his head while trying to cling to the last organic part of him._

_I think I would have liked to have known him before the Reapers. Even though he hated humanity as a whole since his brother died in the First Contact War._

_I’m getting sidetracked._

_I was able to get through the haze of indoctrination to Saren. I don’t care what people think happened in the tower that day. I roll my eyes at all the conspiracy theories. The truth is that Saren put his pistol under his own chin, thanked me for helping him fight so hard, then he pulled the trigger. Saren killed himself because he couldn’t stop the indoctrination. He was literally reaper possessed. Well on his way to becoming a Marauder._

_I know he wasn’t the most honorable person in the galaxy, but shouldn’t his sacrifice be honored? He fought indoctrination for twenty years and still managed to stop himself with a Reaper whispering inside of his mind. Why is he not honored with his brother?_

_I just want to leave you with this:_

_Had it not been for the stubbornness that was Saren Arterius, we would ALL be dead. It was Saren that brought the Reapers to light to me, it was Saren that helped me understand more thoroughly._

_I really wish you all would recognize that._

_*Recording stopped._


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? A double update? It's because I was MIA for a few days haha. Enjoy!

The waiting room was near empty as Shepard sat in what she assumed was supposed to be a comfortable chair. Today was the day she got to find out the gender of the little one she was carrying. And the day she had to officially wear the horrid maternity clothes when her shirt no longer covered enough stomach.

The clothes Kelly chose were so bad that Shepard had ended up wearing workout capris and one of Hackett’s shirts she pulled from the dryer. She’d make sure to change _before_ he got home. She should’ve asked, but she was running late.

She groaned internally when the waiting room door swished open to reveal the man whose shirt she stole. And he wasn’t very happy.

“What’re you doing here?” She asked him quietly.

“I went by your office and Kelly said you were here,” he told her. “I thought I made it clear that I don’t want to miss these things so I know what’s needed.”

“It’s not a normal appointment, just an ultrasound.” It made her feel like she was incapable of taking care of herself.

Hackett exhaled as he stretched his legs out. “Doesn’t matter,” he told her before doing a double take at her attire. “Why are you wearing my shirt?”

Shepard sighed. “The clothes Kelly got me are for…females.”

“I’m going to go out on a limb and say that you _are_ female, Jane.” Shepard inhaled sharply, doing her best to beat down the emotional storm trying to boil over. “Shh, I’m sorry. I know you prefer tanks.” Shepard nodded. “After this, we’ll go by the Alliance depot and get you some, okay?”

“Okay,” she said shakily. Hackett didn’t like it when she cried. Hell, Shepard didn’t either but she had a really hard time controlling her emotions. It was embarrassing.

Doctor Michel was talking but Shepard wasn’t really listening. It was hard to when Hackett had his hand spread on her lower back, the warmth distracting, while they made their way through the halls. Why did he have to live with her? Why did she have to love him still?

Damn insufferable man.

With a sigh, she let the Admiral help her onto the bed as Doctor Michel chattered on about spirits knows what.

Steven stood close to the bed as the terminal lit up with the baby and its tiny heart beat filled their ears. For long minutes that was all Shepard heard. It was almost enough to pull her into sleep. If it weren’t for Hackett’s hand lightly gripping her wrist. Surely he could feel her heart race when his fingers lay over the veins.

“Would you like to know the gender?” the doctor asked.

“Sure,” Shepard said. She wanted to know but she didn’t. It would be easier to buy things if she knew.

“It’s a boy! And he’s perfect.”

“You hear that, Benjamin, you’re perfect,” Shepard cooed.

“You already have a name chosen? Do you mind if I ask who it represents?” Doctor Michel asked before turning the lights back up.

“Benjamin for my first dad, and David for my second,” Shepard told the redhead. “Nothing exciting, just named after his grandpas.”

“That is wonderful, Admiral,” Michel sighed dreamily, her hands over her heart. “Benjamin David Hackett, beautiful name.” Before Shepard could process the tightening of Hackett’s hand on her wrist and correct the doctor, the woman continued. “Now, as I said, everything is great so I’ll see you back here in a month.”

Hackett led her outside and towards the elevator without saying a word. It wasn’t until he input where he wanted to go that he spoke. “I don’t mind sharing my clothes, but we do need to make sure you wear N7 tanks at the very least to work. Maybe a couple with the Alliance insignia.”

“Okay,” she replied.

“They should have maternity pants so you won’t have to walk around in tights.”

“They’re comfortable,” she told him as the elevator came to a stop.

Hackett chuckled, his hand once again splayed on her back. “That may be, but it’s not very professional.”

“Next you’re going to try to put me in a dress,” she complained.

“Only when you can’t lace your boots anymore.”

She knew he was teasing but she still found herself aggravated.

* * *

“Admiral’s, what can we do for you today?” The receptionist asked as soon as they entered the building.

“Shepard needs maternity wear,” Hackett answered.

As the man disappeared Shepard gripped Hackett’s shoulder to lean up and whisper, “People are going to be talking now. You should’ve let me come alone.”

“You’re paranoid.”

“That’s how I’ve survived so long.” Not counting the one time she did die. 

“Okay, Sir, what can we get your lovely lady?”

Shepard snorted making Hackett glare down at her. She just shrugged her shoulders. “His lovely lady needs maternity pants, a formal top, BDU top, and a bunch of tanks.”

“Of course, Admiral Shepard! If you’ll come with me we can get you set up with what we have on hand and have the rest delivered when it becomes available.”

Hackett only shook his head and followed her around as she picked clothing. There were so few N7’s that those tank tops would have to be ordered, but she was able to get everything else she needed. Even fancy mom bras.

“Told you so,” she told him as the left the depot. “And no surprise, they don’t give a shit.”

“So I’m learning,” he replied.

* * *

One thing she forgot was bed clothes while they were out. So she just stole a pair of Hackett’s boxers out of the dryer. The look he gave her was amused as she joined him on the couch and found a comfortable position to relax in.

The remote lay on her growing waist as the hum of the vid terminal slowly pulled her closer and closer to sleep. She felt Hackett move her legs over his as he scooted closer. Likely about to carry her to bed, but her eyes felt too heavy to open them and help. Instead of being pulled up, she felt his hand sneak under his shirt that she was wearing and spread across the bump.

The baby seemed to be most active when she was completely relaxed, and it looked like Steven had caught sight of the remote shifting over her playful son.

Shepard grunted when her son kicked against the warm hand. “Someone likes you,” she whispered before laying her hand over his without opening her eyes. “A lot,” she commented as the movement intensified.

“You aren’t going to give me as much trouble as your namesake are you?” Steven whispered to the bump. “David always gave me a hard time.”

“Friends are supposed to,” Shepard told him. “The best ones anyway.”

“He was the best,” Hackett replied softly.

Shepard heart clenched. “You aren’t staying here because you think you owe it to David are you?” _Please say no._

“No,” Hackett told her before removing his hand and scooting out from under her legs. “I stay because I want to. Now come on, you’re getting too big for me to carry to bed and I don’t like waking you up.”

“Are you calling me fat?”

“Never,” he answered. “But if I trip now, there’s more risk, and I’d rather support you as we walk up the stairs than carry you and drop you.”


	13. Interview

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Admiral Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Former Council Spectre, Council Member.**

**_Subject: Childhood_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_My childhood was amazing. I was raised on a farming colony, Mindoir, as most people know._

_To me, it was paradise. The weather was always perfect. At least for farmers. We never went without basic needs, though we were a little behind in the technology department._

_My dad’s name was Benjamin. My mom: Hannah. Then there was my brother John. John and I were best friends, the keeper of each other’s secrets and dreams. I wanted to be a dancer growing up but John… John wanted to be the Alliance soldier he saw in the ads. I remember listening as John grilled our father on his time in the Alliance._

_*No sound for thirty seconds…*_

_It turned out I couldn’t dance to save my life and my mother hadn’t been very honest about the skills I had. I remember being so upset that she’d lied to me. John found me in our tree house later. *Soft chuckle* He brought me a chicken sandwich. I guess he got hungry on his walk because only half of it was left. We made plans to join the Alliance together. He’d play the soldier and I’d play the medic that fixed him up._

_Because of that, I started volunteering at an animal clinic. Imagine a fourteen year old girl in a dirt covered dress, helping a cow deliver. I never shied away from the more disgusting side of ranching and farming. I could skin a cow faster than my father and have it prepped for John and my mother to butcher it before my father got his first skin off._

_I worked hard and I studied hard._

_Dancing became a little girls dream with each animal I helped the vet treat._

_One night, during a particularly rough storm, my dad went out to the barn to calm the horses. He ended up with a pretty rough laceration on his thigh and the medical doctor refused to travel during the storm._

_I had only sewn up a few bulls before that night._

_With medigel being so expensive, it was used sparingly. We couldn’t just slather it and wrap it tight. Instead, we put medigel down into the wound and sewed the skin closed._

_My dad was my first human patient. *Laughter* My dad kept saying I was doing good while I sewed his leg closed. He praised me… but, I did an awful job. Sewing up animal hide is so different from sewing human skin. The scar was ugly. *Soft exhale* But my dad bragged to everyone that his baby girl had doctored him._

_When the doctor looked over my work, I expected him to be the jerk he always acted like. Instead, he offered me an internship to study under his guidance._

_I accepted. It meant being one step closer to my new dream of patching John up._

_It turned out the doctor wasn’t a jerk. He just had a horrible bedside manner, but he was so passionate about his work. He was so excited to have someone to teach since our colony was so spread out and pretty small. “The more of us out there, the safer our neighbors!” He’d tell me every time I succeeded in a task._

_By the time I was sixteen, I had sewn up dozens of people. I’d helped perform surgeries and I’d even delivered babies._

_My family was so proud of their up and coming Doctor Jane. The night of the raid, we’d had a huge dinner. Our home was filled with neighbors. Laughter and food. Joy, just pure happiness. I had a baby on my hip and we were dancing, poorly, in the front room. I had delivered her into the world._

_But she’s gone. They all are._

_And I miss them every single day of my life._

_*Recording stopped._


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter FRIDAY! YAY! Much love to you all!

It was getting more difficult to get out of bed with each passing week. She’d spend an insane amount of energy just shimmying to the side of the bed just to throw her legs over it and lay there. 

“Jane, are you getting up anytime soon?” Hackett called from his room.

“No. I think I’ll lay here until he comes,” she answered, her voice near breathless from the effort of merely getting to the edge of her bed. “I’m fat.”

“You are not fat,” he told her as he entered the room with the same briskness he did everything else in. 

“I can’t even get out of bed without huffing and puffing. I’m pretty sure that means I’m fat.”

“Good morning, David,” Hackett said to the bare bump on display. “Are you giving mom a hard time?”

“Yes,” Shepard answered for the unborn spawn rolling inside of her. 

Hackett hummed before holding his hands out for her to grab. Shepard didn’t even try to help as he pulled her into sitting position only for her to put her arms behind her to allow her to recline slightly. “My bladder is not a punching bag, Ben,” she said to her son. 

“You go pee and I’ll find you something to wear,” Hackett told her before tossing his jacket on her bed and entering her closet. 

She’d just exited the bathroom when Glyph zoomed into her room. “Hey little guy,” Shepard cooed. He was the most adorable VI that existed.

[Admiral, there is an Albert Ragnar waiting in the elevator for permission to come to your floor. Shall I grant it?]

“What?” Hackett asked roughly.

“Yes, Glyph,” Shepard told him. “Have him wait just inside the apartment. We’ll be down in a minute.”

[Of course, Admiral.]

“Jane…”

“Afraid I’m going to be tempted to take him for a ride again?” Shepard asked, amusement lacing her voice. “I can’t even get out of bed by myself.”

“Why is he here?”

“Because he wanted to be an uncle, Steven.”

“I don’t like this,” he commented quietly.

“Yeah well, shit happens. I got knocked up before I was prepared to and all the sperm donor asked for is to be an uncle.” Shepard concentrated fully on holding onto Hackett’s shoulders while putting her legs inside her pants. “Don’t let the stick up your ass ruin Ben’s chance at having more family.”

When he rose to help her in her shirt, his mask was firmly in place. 

Perhaps she should have told Hackett that she’d sent an ultrasound holo to Albert. Or that she invited him to drop by anytime he was on the Citadel. But Hackett and Shepard were roommates. They weren’t together per his decision. Acting like this was out of character for him.

“Wait, are you jealous?” She held her hand up when he opened his mouth to argue. “Truth only, I’m too damn tired to deal with bullshit.”

“I don’t know,” he told her softly, his eyes showing the confusion he must be feeling.

Shepard sighed. “Breathe in,” she inhaled. “Breathe out,” she exhaled. “Okay, I can respect that.” She didn’t want to but she could. She’d regret it later but for now, they had a guest downstairs and it would be rude to get into a shouting match while they waited. Then there was her blood pressure to consider. And her heart rate because Goddess knows an argument would just get her all riled up. “Let’s go greet our guest. Do be professional, Steven. He _is_ part of Benjamin David’s life.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Albert was waiting by the front door while Hackett escorted her down the stairs. She watched the dark haired man’s brow raise, a smirk coming to life on his face, as Hackett concentrated on where Shepard was placing her feet.

“Hey, Shepard,” Albert said when she waved him to the kitchen. “We’re only docked for a few hours, otherwise I would have messaged ahead.”

“It’s fine. Albert, this is…”

“Admiral Hackett,” Ragnar finished for her. “It’s an honor to meet another Alliance legend.”

Hackett greeted Albert professionally. Shepard was amused by the Admiral mask.

“I hope you don’t mind that I brought a gift for my nephew,” he said finally, turning to Shepard. “I always get my sisters something for their babies when they’re pregnant. And it’s always the same thing.”

Shepard laughed as she pulled the outfit from the bag. The little shirt said: _Future Alliance Pilot_. 

“Little Ben is my first boy. My sisters have had girls so I’m pretty excited,” Albert told her.

“How many nieces do you have?”

“Seven.” His quiet chuckle sounded more like a sigh. “I learned pretty quick that I didn’t want any kids.”

“I’ll say,” Shepard commented. That was a hell of a lot of kids. 

Hackett said nothing as he prepared breakfast for the three of them. But it was the lingering touches he left on her skin that told her he was at least a little jealous. She didn’t know if it was because of her or the baby. But hope bubbled up anyway.

“Listen, Shep. My copilot saw the holo of Ben,” Albert turned nervous. “I didn’t think to take your name off of it. What am I supposed to tell them when they ask?”

Shepard half-expected Steven to speak up. That stick and all, but he didn’t. His jaw twitched but he continued eating. “Easy,” Shepard answered. “You were my sperm donor. No one has to know the details or our arrangement.”

“Okay, good. Not that I’m complaining, I’m really not. I just don’t want the insane responsibility of being a father.” Albert rubbed his face. “It wouldn’t be fair for any child if their parent was gone all the time.”

“And you like the bachelor life?”

“That part is okay. But I _love_ my career. I love being able to volunteer for missions and go anywhere in the galaxy without having to take a family into consideration. I know that sounds incredibly selfish,” he told her.

“It’s not,” Shepard interrupted. “Not everyone has to have kids, Albert. You can spoil your nieces and future nephew and not feel an ounce of guilt for leaving the next day. There is nothing wrong with enjoying _your_ life.”

“My mom wants me to settle down.”

Shepard chuckled, “I’m pretty sure that’s all moms.”

It wasn’t long until Albert had to get back to his post. Hackett was unnaturally quiet as he took her to work. Probably battling with that stick in his ass. 

She was tired of waiting for him. Tired of loving him while he kept the line in between them and somehow managed to still show affection. It was maddening. She felt...let down. Disappointed. Swallowing down the ache of her breaking heart, she let Hackett help her from the transport and guide her to her office.


	15. Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello gorgeous readers! I would like to apologize for not updating yesterday. As soon as I had coffee in my veins I was working hard on a Skyrim fic that would not leave me be. And then, as with everything I write, it got away from me. Do I have any Skyrim fans in here? I've been reading a lot of FF lately since I got back into the game and I'm interest to know your favorite Dragonborn pairings!
> 
> Anyway, this is getting away from me again. 2 CHAPTER UPDATE for you amazing people today. Much love to you all!
> 
> * * *

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Admiral Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Former Council Spectre, Council Member.**

**_Subject: Life in the Alliance_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_My choice to join the Alliance as a marine instead of a medic was an easy choice. It made me feel closer to John in the beginning. Turns out I had a knack for battle._

_Others that trained with me weren’t very happy with how easy I went through basic. Let’s just say that I didn’t make friends. And that was fine with me. I was in no place to make friends at eighteen. I will still mourning my former life. I ignored their hateful words when I outran them. Jealousy makes people mean and bitter._

_Of course, being a farmer had instilled a very strong worth ethic inside of me. You can’t have a farm and sit on your ass all day diddling with your omnitool._

_Most of my coworkers were passive-aggressive towards me._

_That didn’t change too much after the Blitz. There was another woman, Riley, they liked to pick on. She let it bother her as much as I did. Neither of us gave a flying fuck what our teammates or drill instructors said. We’d lived through hell. They only heard about it._

_Last I heard Riley was a Captain. I personally signed the paperwork to honor her with the rank of N7 after winning a vital battle for a fuel refinery during the Reaper War. She earned it and I was happy to give it to her._

_My career took me all over the galaxy. I went where I was told to go and since I was an N7, that meant a whole hell of a lot of classified missions that I can’t discuss. My success is what brought attention to me as a Spectre candidate._

_But I didn’t do all those missions alone. There was always a support team, and they are the reason for my success._

_You are only as successful as the team that stands next to you in the heat of battle. If you can’t trust them with your life, then you will fail. It really is that simple._

_*Recording stopped._


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another angsty chapter. I know, I'm torturing you! <3333 xoxox
> 
> * * *

With a groan, Shepard tried to push herself up again. This was the second time she’d awakened needing to pee. The bigger she got, the more often she had to scurry to the bathroom. 

“Jane?” a rough, tired voice called from outside her door.

“Help me up,” she said with a grunt when she fell back against the pillows. “Need to pee, too fat.”

“You’re perfectly plump,” he teased sleepily before helping her stand.

Plump? Like a peach? Ugh, plump was not a word she wanted to associate herself with. But it wasn’t inaccurate. “Lean forward like the doctor said,” Steven called through the door.

“Lean forward,” Shepard mocked. Maybe frequent urination was preparing her for all the broken sleep she was going to get in the future. 

Going on seven months pregnant and she still hadn’t shopped for her son. That made her feel really fucking shitty. She was in tears when she left the bathroom. The array of emotions she felt was getting really tiresome.

“What’s wrong?” Steven asked as he lifted her chin up.

“I’m a horrible mother!”

“I think Grunt would argue,” he said gently.

Grunt had been easy. Armor, weapons, and mods. “I haven’t even bought diapers,” she whispered brokenly. “What kind of mother doesn’t prepare?”

“The stubborn kind,” Hackett teased, but she couldn’t feel the humor. Her emotions were all over the place. Humor just wasn’t one of them.

Shepard carefully gripped the sides of his bare waist before letting Hackett pull her into a hug. “I want to go shopping,” she whispered against his chest. _I want to sleep against your skin._

“Then we’ll go shopping, Jane.”

The sobs that loosed from her weren’t relief. Or joy. 

They were pain. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t be in his arms one moment only to be back on the other side of his line before he even let her go. It was torture. Torture that she continued to allow herself be pulled into. 

It was time to let him go.

* * *

It was lonely shopping without Hackett. He’d been stuck to her since the beginning of her pregnancy. He worried enough for both of them. 

In all honesty, she needed the time to herself. Even if the other Councilor’s forced her to have guards, but the turian and asari team were good. Impressive really. They worked together like Shepard and Garrus had on the ship. No words needed. 

It was easy choosing the bassinet and crib. But she’d spent the better part of an hour trying to decide what bedding she wanted. It was silly, she knew. Her guards didn’t complain as she talked to herself about the pros and cons of certain sets.

“Oh, fuck it,” Shepard said in annoyance. She was getting on her own damn nerves. Nala, her asari guard, just chuckled when Shepard grabbed one. “It shouldn’t be that difficult. All he’s going to do is throw up on it in between bouts of sleeping.”

* * *

The strip looked as lively as it usually was. Shepard missed going to the arena. But it was a small price to pay for the little guy growing fast inside of her.

Her body tensed when the front door slid open. “Jane?” Gods, she loved the way he said her name.

Taking in a shuddery breath, she finally began what she’d been dreading. “We need to talk,” she told him, her voice thick with emotion.

“What about?”

“This,” she said as she stared down at the strip. “Our living arrangements.” He was silent behind her. Surely he knew it was a long time coming. “I can’t do this anymore,” she told him, her voice cracking as a tear fell. “I’ve spent thirteen years of my life loving you and I can’t do it anymore.”

Only silence met her words. She didn’t want to look back and see the regret and guilt that was surely all over his face. 

“I can’t keep letting you pull me in only to push me away at the same time. I can’t…” 

“Jane…”

She wrapped her arms under her breasts, hoping the pain would lessen. It didn’t. “I know I told you the room was yours for as long as you need. But I _need_ you to go,” she whispered. “The pain of wanting what I can’t have is too much...”

“I understand,” came the throaty reply behind her.

Later, when his room was as empty as her heart, she lay in her bed and sobbed until sleep claimed her. 

There was no one to help her out of bed come morning. No disgusting decaf coffee waiting for her. No handsome man making her breakfast while they argued over work. 

No Hackett to take her to work or adjust the cushion in her chair.

There was nothing but silence and heartache.


	17. Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much love to you all!!

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Admiral Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Former Council Spectre, Council Member.**

**_Subject: Urdnot Grunt_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_You want to know about my baby krogan, huh? You can argue all you like about him not being a baby but he will always be my baby._

_I got Grunt by accident. Yes, I know, lots of kids happen that way. But I was there to recruit his creator. The old krogan died leaving me Grunt._

_Don’t let his charming good looks and pretty blue eyes fool you. He’ll rip you apart without exerting effort. Urdnot Grunt is one hell of a krogan._

_I was fortunate enough to aid in raising him. He was nearly full grown, but the mind never stops learning. Grunt and I spent many hours together training or studying during the Collector mission. I was and am super proud of that boy._

_Say what you will about krogan intelligence, but I know for fact just how smart the race can be. Grunt excelled at any book work I tossed at him and I gave him a lot. He was still learning to control his blood rage and being idle wasn’t a good idea so we kept him busy._

_Grunt loves reading. I don’t know how many times I sat in the medbay. A lot...let’s be honest here. *chuckle* Grunt would show up with a bookpad and read to me. I loved it. Still do in fact. Every once in a while he’ll send me an audio message of him reading for me._

_He was my kid before I realized it. The crew joked about ‘Mama Shep’ but Grunt took it seriously. And I did too. I was fond of him. And so very delighted that he considered me his mom. Watching him spar and study filled me with affection._

_I just… I don’t know. I love that kid._

_Human’s have a holiday to honor our mothers. When Grunt heard, he immediately set to work to make me a gift to honor me. It turns out he went to a female camp to get help. You see, Grunt didn’t get a traditional upbringing from infant to teenager. He had a lot to learn and experience and I did the best I could, but having help from the females of his species was invaluable._

_Anyway, Grunt came home from a few days leave he’d requested on Tuchanka to present me with the traditional krogan mother honoring gift._

_It was a basket made of purple animal bones._

_It was truly one of the most gorgeous gifts I’ve ever been given. Holo’s don’t do this big bowl justice. I still find myself staring at it in awe. I have it sitting on my piano. I haven’t figured out what I want to use it for yet. For now, it’s a decoration piece for the entry of my home._

_*Sigh* That kid is one of a kind. I may be biased, in fact I know I am. But you’ll never meet anyone like him. Urdnot Grunt: Aralahk Company leader, overall badass, and an honor to call my son._

_*Recording stopped._


	18. Chapter 18

The date for Ben’s birth crept near. But it wasn’t the impending birth that consumed her mind.

It was Hackett.

The apartment was silent and the air lonely and stale. She hadn’t heard from him at all since he left. Since she told him to leave. 

Anything work related went through Kelly. The sad looks Shepard received from her assistant angered her. Kelly didn’t deserve her anger. No one did. Not even Steven. 

It had been over a month and she still hurt now and then. But mostly she was empty. Tired and empty. Kelly tried to cheer her up, but the perky redhead only succeeded in giving Shepard a headache.

Instead of Hackett walking into her office like he owned it, lunch in his hands, it was Kelly bringing her a tray of food. There was no conversation as Shepard did her best to force down the food. It was just her and an empty office filled with plants. 

Getting up and down the stairs at home was becoming too difficult. Her hips and back ached constantly, which was expected. And she was long past being able to lace up her boots. She was a fat penguin waddling around barefoot.

The day after complaining to Kelly about only being able to wear her slippers, a pair of slip-ons appeared on her desk. With a maternity dress. Neither of which looked like something Kelly would purchase, but when Shepard asked, Kelly had been surprisingly tight-lipped. That could only mean Hackett.

Gods she missed him. 

If he didn’t love her, then he didn’t. She couldn’t force him to. Confusing compassion and empathy with affection was what got her into being an emotional wreck when she wasn’t feeling empty. 

It had been unfair of her to expect him to love her back simply because she loved him. 

But it was the absence of his companionship that brought tears to her eyes. Yes, she loved him. That wasn’t changing. But she missed his friendship. Without her ship, she had no one to talk to. They didn’t get to dock very often and Shepard kept Ashley busy with Spectre business. Even Grunt was too busy to get away from Tuchanka. 

The only constants she had now were two guards and protective co-workers. But they weren’t him.

* * *

“I’m concerned about your lack of weight gain, Admiral,” Doctor Michel told her. “In fact, you’ve lost weight in the last two months.”

There was no way in hell Shepard was going to tell the doctor why. “Is that not normal?”

“No.” The doctor was kind enough to help Shepard redress before continuing. “You haven’t lost much so I won’t admit you, but if you don’t start getting enough to eat, I will.”

A subtle threat. “Got it,” Shepard told her with a false smile.

Nothing sounded good to eat. She was too tired to grab something on the way home, she was too worried about having food delivered. There were no more home cooked meals. Frozen dinners held little appeal... 

But she would have to do better. She was going to need her strength in the coming days, she knew that. 

She needed to stop moping like a heartbroken pup, get herself together, and get her son’s room ready. 

It didn’t matter if she couldn’t really taste the food anymore, she needed to do better for Ben. Shepard was determined. There was a bassinet and a crib that needed to be put together. There were frozen meals in her freezer. Plus, she had some energy.

She might as well get started. There wasn’t much time left at all.

* * *

Two hours of sitting on the hard floor while trying to understand how to put the crib together. Two fucking hours and she couldn’t get up. She couldn’t understand the instructions. And she was fucking crying again. 

It was a scary moment for her: Being in the apartment alone, her guards dismissed for the evening, and no one to help her.

The bassinet had been easy and she’d managed that well enough while on the couch. But the crib was a puzzle with big pieces spread out all around her. 

She didn’t have the strength to get herself up from the floor, not after handling the crib parts. 

Shepard swallowed her pride and called the one person she really didn’t, and did, want to call.

[Jane...] Hackett answered.

His voice ghosted over her. Tears welled up again as soon as he said her name. Just one word from his mouth affected her. “I...can’t…” she hiccuped through the sobs, “get up.”

[You can’t get up?]

Shepard shook her head no as her body shuddered. Stuck on the floor wearing Hackett’s clothes while having to call said man to come help her because she trusted no one else nearby to be in her apartment while she was vulnerable. This was going to be her life now. She was torturing herself.

[I’ll be there in a few minutes, honey, okay? Calm down and just breathe. I’m on my way.]

Relief flooded her veins, but still she wept. She couldn’t calm down, she was pregnant. Her legs were cramping and her ass was numb. There was no laying down because there were cribs parts behind her. She was just plain stuck and miserable.

It was ridiculous. 

Tears were still falling when he rushed into the second floor living area outside of the bedrooms. He was like a breath of fresh air, his scent familiar and touch relaxing as he hefted her up and carried her through the minefield of a crib.

“What were you thinking trying to do that alone?” He asked her roughly before his features softened. He looked like shit. And yet, her heart fluttered like he’d just kissed her. 

“I’m sorry,” she said. _Sorry for being unfair, for making you leave, for trying to force you outside of your comfort zone._

“Shh,” he shushed as he carefully lay her on her bed. “Lay back and relax. Have you had dinner?”

_Damn it._ Shepard gave him a guilty shake of her head. She’d already broken her promise to herself to eat better. Instead of taking every little detail of how much he’d changed over the last two months, she closed her eyes and reveled in the feeling of his hand against her cheek as his thumb wiped away tears.

“Feeling better?” He asked her softly, the sweetness of his voice nearly bringing more tears to the surface. She nodded, afraid to say anything. “Your hair got longer.” The sigh and shiver was involuntary when his other hand moved through her tresses, finger tips barely scraping her scalp. “I’ll make you some dinner, stay here.”

Where would she go? He put her in bed correctly when she’d been sleeping sideways in the bed so she didn’t have to wiggle as much to get her foot under the nightstand to help get herself into sitting position. It would require more energy than she had to get up from this position. Energy that had gone into trying to put the crib together before she burst into tears of fear and frustration.

It was the smell of food that made her realize she’d drifted off.

“You must be hungry if it wakes you up.”

“Thanks,” she told him. She’d called in a moment of weakness and he’d come. Now he was waiting on her, like she was an invalid, again. “You look like shit.” She scolded herself for being so rude. But he did look awful, and yet...perfect. The dark circles under his eyes, his scruffy face, and unkempt hair was so unlike him. 

“That’s not very nice, Jane.” Her mouth was too full for her to reply so she shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve been worried about you.” Before she could swallow her food he was moving toward the door. “I don’t like you being here by yourself this far along. I’m going to go pack my stuff, I’ll be back soon. Stay in bed,” he told her as he turned to face her. “Please?”

Shepard nodded. 

What else could she say? She _wanted_ him there. Even if he never cared for her… that was just something she was going to have accept. She needed help and everyone she trusted was scattered. That left Hackett or Kelly. The choice was easy. Perky sunshine first thing in the morning was not beneficial to Shepard’s health. Or Kelly’s.


	19. Interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to regularly scheduled updates (I hope), One chapter daily!
> 
> * * *

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Admiral Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Former Council Spectre, Council Member.**

**_Subject: Cerberus and your time with them_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_I think Cerberus started out with the best intentions. A group meant to keep humanity in the running with the rest of the galaxy. Humans never liked having to ask for help._

_But even with the best intentions in mind, things can go awry._

_The Illusive Man wasn’t always the hardened prick most people knew. He was incredibly intelligent, determined, and... indoctrinated. In fact, he was a lot like Saren in all ways._

_The difference between the two is that the Illusive Man knew he was ever so slowly becoming indoctrinated. Perhaps that was why he spent so many credits on me and my mission._

_I know there’s a lot of people that wonder why I went to Cerberus._

_I wasn’t given a choice._

_I was comatose after the SR1 went down. My body was so damaged from being pulled into Alchera from the stars. Cerberus had the best medical advances. Cutting edge technology that they had yet to test and share with the rest of humanity. I got to be the test subject._

_Obviously, they succeeded in repairing my body._

_During my stint with Cerberus, which was once again not my choice, I met some really amazing people. I still don’t believe Cerberus as a whole was good. Not with projects and their leads turning to torture among many other distasteful things. But, there were good people inside that wanted to make a difference for humanity._

_They’d never heard of all the horrible projects I had shut down during my hunt for Saren._

_After we completed our mission, I took The Illusive Man’s crew and ship, then I returned to the Alliance. He wasn’t happy but he took the loss fairly well. He needed me to win the war against the reapers and he knew that he was slowly losing his mind._

_By the time the reapers invaded, TIM was holding on to the last bit of his own self. He thought to control the reapers whereas I wanted to destroy them for good._

_The Illusive Man lost._

_I won._

_Cerberus died when he put the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger._

_*Recording stopped._


	20. Chapter 20

“I’m pleased with your weight this week,” Doctor Michel commented as she made notes on her datapad. “You’re eating better?”

“She is,” Hackett commented, his voice flat. 

He was angry, not that she could blame him. But from the way his clothes fit, he hadn’t been eating well either. They could argue about it later. 

“Everything is progressing normally, but I do want you to take it easy. No heavy lifting, no exercise outside of walking,” Michel told her. 

Shepard snorted, it wasn’t like she could go for a run anymore. “Not to be rude, Doc, but I can’t even get my pants on without feeling like I ran a marathon so I think we’re safe on that.”

“Good. Steven, I’ll send you home with what to look for in early signs of labor. Make sure she takes it easy.”

Oh for spirit’s sake they were treating her like she was fragile.

* * *

When the transport passed the embassies, Shepard spoke up. “I need to go to work, Steven.”

“You’re going home, I’ve already let Kelly know.”

“Excuse me?” 

“We’re going to go home. You are going to sit on the couch and read me the instructions as I put the crib together, then I’m going to make us dinner,” he told her. He was still angry, but she couldn’t deny her excitement of seeing the crib done.

“Tired of tripping over it?”

“I’m worried you’ll trip over it.”

“Please, I’m more graceful than that,” Shepard told him. 

“Jane, you stubbed your toe slipping your shoe on this morning…”

Okay, that had been embarrassing. “So I’m having an off day.” 

“Why did you have weight loss?”

That was a conversation she had been hoping _not_ to have. Saying it out loud meant she’d have to deal with it. Keeping it in meant she might burst into tears at any moment. Heaven forbid she get through one whole day without crying.

“Jane?”

He wasn’t going to let it go. Shepard sighed before looking out the window of the transport. “I missed you.” There. It was done. Now she just had to control her emotions with the silence she was going to get for being honest.

“I missed you, too,” he said gently, his hand gripping hers where it rested on her thigh.

The reply was nothing like she expected. She hadn’t prepared herself for that. There was nothing she could do when her emotions boiled over. She cried. Ugly cried. Bawled like a baby. And just like that, her heart was wide open again. 

There was very little chance she’d ever stop loving him.

* * *

Hackett collapsed on the couch next to her as they both stared at the finished crib. The silence in the apartment relaxing and light for the first time in a long time. 

The twinge on her lower back and ache in her hips forced her to move and recline against the arm of the couch. A sigh left her lips when Steven pulled her calves onto his lap and began kneading the tired muscles in her feet.

“Where do you want it?”

“Want what?” She asked, letting the small massage relax her.

“The crib, Jane.”

“Oh,” she said, opening her eyes to look at it again. “Depends on how long you’re staying. In your room if you leave, where it’s at if you don’t.”

“You’re okay with me staying?”

“Yeah.” Shepard exhaled roughly, frustration at herself bubbling to the surface. “I shouldn’t have made you leave.” The apology was stuck in her throat. But the squeeze on her shin told her she didn’t need to say any more than she already had. They were both lost, confused people. 

“Admiral, Albert Ragnar is at the door.”

Hackett’s eyes narrowed and his jaw twitched. “Oh, hush,” Shepard told him. “And don’t move, I’m sure we look like quite the couple. Show him up here, Glyph.”

“Right away, Admiral.”

“We’re not even together and you act jealous. Of me or Ben, I don’t know,” Shepard muttered. “Follow the adorable VI, Albert!” Shepard called.

“Do you think your husband could help? The crew sent some gifts.”

Shepard snorted, “See? Husband. No need for jealousy.”

Hackett sighed as he moved her feet off of him. “I’m coming,” Hackett said as he made his way towards the stairs. 

The men entered the secondary living area with several big crates. “You said the crew sent gifts?”

“Yeah,” Albert grunted as he set the crates down. “Had to borrow a trolly to get the crates here. Anyway, word flew like a wildfire when I told the co-pilot I was a sperm donor.”

“So they sent gifts…”

“Well, they were a little jealous at first, but yes.”

Hackett returned to his place under her legs as she talked with Albert. Shepard couldn’t help but laugh when she offered to let the man feel the baby move, and he took a giant step back.

“Hell no, that creeps me out.”

He didn’t stay long, he had shore leave to enjoy and alcohol to drink. Hackett showed him out before returning to the couch.

“I don’t understand what’s creepy about it,” he muttered as he lifted the shirt over her large waist. “It’s amazing to see tiny feet.”

“Not everyone has the desire to be a father, Steven,” she told him as she watched him spread his hands across the swell of her stomach.

“I didn’t think I did either,” he admitted. Shepard’s heart sank. “But watching you grow with child, getting to experience everything with you, and getting to take care of you has opened my eyes.”

She couldn’t force him to love her. For now, this was what she was going to have to deal with. Later, after Ben is born and Hackett moves on, then she’ll mourn.

For now, she would take what she could get. Even if he was just here because of the baby.


	21. Interview

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Admiral Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Former Council Spectre, Council Member.**

**_Subject: Favorite Ground Vehicle_ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_This has to be the easiest question you’ve asked me, Emily._

_The M-35 Mako is the absolute best Alliance ground vehicle in existence. I know, I know, you’re thinking it’s too hard to drive._

_My team always picked on me and equally dreaded going groundside in the Mako. So, I pinpointed where I wanted to go, buckled up in the back seat, and let them take the wheel while I took a nap._

_They never complained about my driving again._

_The Mako is hard to drive but once you get used to it, it is easily the best vehicle._

_It has a pretty powerful missile launcher and an attached machine gun. The shields hold really well and it’s difficult to damage._

_Those are great. However, my favorite feature would have to be mountain climbing. This little beast could climb like nothing else out there._

_Plus there’s the feature that is supposed to keep it from rolling over. I think we landed it on its top so many times that I can say that it doesn’t hold up well to me. *chuckle* I got an email from the tech’s that designed it wanting me to run it hard._

_*Laughter* I didn’t tell my crew what they were in for when they went groundside with me._

_I ran that little beast so hard. I climbed mountains, flew off of cliffs…_

_All the while my teammates were screaming for their mothers._

_It. Was. Glorious._

_I was disappointed that my ship no longer has a Mako, though I’m sure my past teammates were relieved. Now I get a shuttle._

_But every once in a while, Steve takes us for a ride without the inertial dampeners._

_Steve and I enjoy the ride from the cockpit while my team screams in the back._

_It never gets old._

_*Recording stopped._


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and because I love you all, bonus chapter Friday!

“Are you sure?”

“Steven, I feel perfectly fine. You’ll be gone for six hours, not even half a day,” Shepard explained calmly. “If you’re so worried, find a Shepard sitter.”

“I don’t like this,” he commented.

“Suck it up,” she told him with a smirk. “I’ll see you in six hours. Now prepare for your meeting.”

Within an hour, Albert Ragnar strolled into her office. This time he was in civilian clothing. “Hey, Shep.”

“Al, what brings you to the embassies?”

“I’ve been ordered by your husband to babysit you until he returns,” Albert told her as he took a seat on the couch. 

“We aren’t married,” Shepard corrected.

“Doesn’t matter, he’s made it known you’re his.”

What? How? “Well, alright then, I suppose.”

“You work, I’ll nap.”

She wished she could nap. There had been no comfortable positions the last few nights. She’d ended up sleeping on the couch near her room in a partly reclined position. Hackett didn’t say anything about it, he’d just covered her with a throw and brought her breakfast. 

-  
 _  
Steven: Did Albert show up?_

_Jane: Yes. Not worried I’ll take him for a ride? He still looks quite handsome._

_S: I don’t know what to say to that, Jane._

_J: Ugh, no worries. I’m too tired to even pretend to be horny._

_S: I’ll check in on the next break. I’ve got to go. Hackett out._  
-

Why get her a babysitter if he was going to check in anyway? Every time she thought she understood his motives, he’d confuse her. He rarely had an open, honest conversation with her. Yet he was there every time she turned around. 

Lunch was brought in but Shepard wasn’t hungry. Not even the tiniest bit. In fact, she felt full and a little nauseous but not enough to concern her. 

Her omnitool lit up with an incoming call. Hackett.

“Shepard,” she answered automatically.

[How are you feeling?] He asked, straight to business.

“Well,” she started only to be cut off as she felt a gush of liquid between her legs. A strong pain in her back immediately followed. She couldn’t move or speak.

[Jane?]

Oh shit that felt awful. “Come,” she whispered through the pain. “Water,” she whimpered.

“Sir, her water’s broken,” Albert said from behind her, his cool hand on her shoulder as he leaned down toward her omnitool.

[Tell Kelly to call for med transport. I’m on my way.]

* * *

“Shepard, the baby is coming whether or not you’re ready,” Doctor Michel said.

“Not until Steven is here,” she growled. A ragged moan left her raw throat as another wave of contractions washed over her. All she could do was breathe through the pain and even that was difficult.

Albert was outside with Kelly and she was in the damn room alone with the doctor and her nurses. She didn’t want to give birth alone. Her throat burned with emotion as the contraction tapered off. 

“I want Steven,” she whispered before bursting into tears. This pregnancy had made her the biggest cry baby. 

All she could do was cry as people rushed all around her while she was on full display. 

“I want you to push with the next contraction, Admiral,” Doctor Michel told her.

“Not yet,” she cried.

“You have to or we’re risking his life,” the doctor whispered. “Hackett will be here.”

“I am here,” he said breathlessly as he jogged into the room. “I’m here, Jane.” Her smile was surely pathetic as she looked up at him as he leaned down closer to her face. “I’m here,” he whispered. “It’s time to meet him.”

“Okay,” she answered shakily.

“Can I look? When he’s coming?” He asked her quietly, his forehead brushing hers when she nodded.

Shepard didn’t know how long she pushed or how many times Steven wiped sweat from her face and neck. But he held her hand and caressed her face. His words were whispers of encouragement and pride.

The last time her head collapsed against the bed, a loud angry cry filled the room. Still Hackett held her hand tight as she stared at the baby in awe. All she could do was take him in when they placed him on her stomach and began wiping him down. 

“Dad, would you like to cut the cord?”

She saw more than felt Hackett tense. Even if he never loved her, she could give him this. “Yes, he does,” Shepard said tiredly.

His hand shook when he accepted the scissors from the doctor. Within a minute he was helping the nurse place Benjamin David inside of Shepard’s hospital gown. Skin-to-skin. Shepard wept as she took in Ben’s features. Black hair, light skin, and chubby cheeks. 

When they were finally alone, Shepard patted the bed next to her for Hackett to sit while her son nursed. Still he didn’t speak. But Shepard could see the emotions in his eyes. The awe. She understood because she felt it too. 

“When can you break us out of here?” She whispered seriously. 

Hackett groaned, “When they say you can leave, Jane.”

“That’s not very romantic. Or a fun story to tell him when he’s older.”

“Maybe not, but it’ll make me feel better bringing you both home healthy.”

“Fine,” she huffed. “I concede for the moment.” She didn’t have to like it but there was truth in his words. It was just the thought of having to sleep in a hospital bed.... They were so uncomfortable.

“Thank you,” Steven whispered, his finger tracing Ben’s hairline as he nursed.

“For what?”

“Letting me be part of this important moment in your life.”


	23. interview

**Citadel Newsnet Biography: Admiral Shepard, Jane. Alliance Military, Former Council Spectre, Council Member.**

**_Subject: The people want to know everything about you! Whatever you’re willing to share, Admiral._ ** __

_> >Recording…_

_I promise you I’m just an ordinary, everyday person. Nothing exciting or special really. But, I’ve been told recently that there are millions of children out there that listen to these interviews and soak up everything I say._

_For that, I’d like to apologize to their parents. *Soft chuckle* I may have cursed several times. That isn’t something I want kids to go around doing. So, children: No cursing._

_Let’s see:_

_My best friend in childhood was my big brother John. My favorite color back then was brown. The only reason I loved such a color was because it was the color of my farm dog. His name was Alpha and he rounded up livestock like a professional._

_My favorite color now is a dark red or purple. I can’t choose._

_I love stir-fry and I have to say Hackett makes the best I’ve ever tasted. It’s so good I was a little concerned about putting on weight. You may be wondering why someone else is cooking for me. Well…_

_I suck at everything but being a soldier._

_I burn water on the stove. I can’t sing to save my life, and my dancing is just plain awful. The only gracefulness I have is what I use on the battlefield. I’ve taken traditional dance classes and was asked not to return by the instructor icing his toes._

_If it weren’t for Hackett feeding me, I’d be living off of MREs._

_I’m a new mother, as most of you know. I recently released a holo of little Ben posed inside the bowl Grunt made for me. You can find it on the Citadel NewsNet site. Grunt, my krogan son, is super excited about being a big brother._

_I miss being a soldier, so you’ll often find me in the arena. I’m almost back to pre-pregnancy conditioning thanks to C-Sec offering up their gym for me to get my workouts in._

_Being humanities Councilor is an honor, but I assure you the job is utterly boring. I miss my crew, though they come see me when they can, and I miss my ship. But then that’s expected after living on it for so long._

_*Muffled whimper*_

_And good morning to you, Ben._

_I also miss regular coffee, but this little guy is worth the temporary sacrifice._

_Oh, before I forget, a few of my old team and I will be participating in a charity event at the arena. Don’t forget to tune in as we raise credits for refugees. Let me find the datapad…*indescribable noises* Ah! The credits will be going to prefabs and transportation for refugees and their families. This is really important for all species so please donate if you’re able._

_That’s it for now. I’ve enjoyed participating in this interview. I admit I only agreed because Anderson had done it. It was...bittersweet walking around the apartment he left me to find his interview pads. But I treasure them._

_Thank you all for your support._

_*Recording stopped._


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the very last chapter! Thank you all so much for your continued support in my fanfiction, and another huge thanks to Melpomene21 for putting up with my nonsense. (And for heavily editing this chapter to our perfection). Seriously, I don't know what I'd do without your awesomeness!
> 
> Without further ado, the final chapter of Rebuffed.
> 
> * * *

With Ben sleeping at longer intervals, Shepard was still left with waking up through the night every two hours like clockwork. She’d felt so bad for waking her roommate so much, she’d had him move the crib into her room for the time being.

The little boy had grown so much in the short four months of his life. Company had come and gone, her front door surely getting a workout. 

It was after midnight and she was having a hard time finding sleep after Ben’s feeding. If he continued on his current schedule, he wouldn’t wake again for another feeding until around seven. 

With Hackett asleep, she decided to park herself on the couch and read from a bookpad hoping it would tire her mind.

On the coffee table, she found a datapad that she didn’t recognize. Leaning back and stretching her legs out on the sofa, she thumbed it on and adjusted the volume up.

[Jane.] 

“Shit,” she cursed and thumbed the damned thing off, thinking that she had woken up Hackett. It took her a few embarrassing moments to realize that it was Hackett’s voice coming from the datapad. A lot curious and a little scared, she drew in a deep breath and then laid back on the pillows while she let it out. She thumbed the play button again and lowered the volume just a little.

[I’ve seen you talking into these things sometimes when you thought I wasn’t looking and, if I’m going to be honest, which I plan to be, I might have listened to them all while you were sleeping or in the shower. Every single one. At least twice.]

She pressed stop again and lifted her head up to look at the empty stairwell behind her. Even though he had seemingly recorded this for her, she wasn’t quite sure if he had wanted her to find it just yet. She felt like she was reading his diary or something, even though he had just practically confessed to reading hers - sort of.

When she was sure that the Admiral wasn’t lurking in the shadows ready to chastise her for insubordination, she pressed play again.

[You’re a fascinating woman, Jane Shepard. I feel honored just to be able to share the same air with you.] There was a long pause in the recording, Shepard thought she could hear him taking his hat off or unbuttoning his top button, things she had watched him do when she knew that he was struggling with something. [You asked me once if I was jealous.]

She flicked it off again, certain that she had heard a door open, or the baby crying or a creak on the stairs. She held her breath listening but all that she could hear was the fast beating of her heart. Turning over on her side and cradling the datapad close to her face she pressed play again and turned the volume a little lower - again.

[I was.] Another pause. [I just didn’t know if I was jealous because of you or Ben.]

She stopped it again. She had suspected as much but yet, it was still very difficult to hear. So, he loved her child. Was that such a bad thing? She hadn’t cried in months but she could feel her throat tightening. 

[I never knew that I wanted a child. Not until I watched your body grow with Benjamin David. I loved taking care of you and the thought of holding Ben in my arms one day. Well, it’s the stuff that men go to war over.] 

She sniffled as she paused it again. This time she had to wipe a tear off the screen before she hit play.

[Damn, I don’t know why I was thinking that this was a good idea. I know I have a hard time with words in situations like this, I’ve never been particularly romantic. Hell, I have a harder time talking to you than anyone else. Even talking into this stupid machine, knowing that you might one day listen to it.]

He cleared his throat and Jane turned on her back, holding it up above her face and waiting with bated breath for him to continue.

[Thirteen years? Until you told me that you’d loved me for _thirteen years_ , I had no clue.] His voice was rough with emotion. [Then you kicked me out before I could process it.]

Tears trailed down the sides of her face until they swirled into her ear canal. 

[What I wanted to do, to say... I’m ashamed I didn’t.] He cleared his throat again. [I wanted to take you up on your unspoken offer to marry you and give you as many babies as you wanted. I never realized how little people cared about ranks or about frat regs. But now what I realize is that it never should’ve mattered, what other people think. I would burn my stripes to get those wasted thirteen years back.]

“Jane.”

It took her a moment to realize that the voice wasn’t coming from the recording. Not until he took his hand and lowered the datapad away from her face so that she could see him standing over her. 

It was dark and her vision was blurry from tears so she couldn’t make out his expression. When she didn’t say anything, he took the datapad from her and came around to the front of the couch. She remained stretched back against the cushions and he put the datapad down on the coffee table where she had found it and sat down beside her.

“Are you going to say anything?” He asked.

“Did you mean it?”

He chuckled, cupping her cheek in his hand. “Every word. Why are you crying?”

“Oh, no particular reason,” she told him while enjoying the feel of his thumb tracing her jaw. “When...when did you record that?”

He leaned his head down close to hers. “Does it matter?”

She nibbled on her bottom lip and shook her head. “No, but I swear, if you don’t kiss me soon I’m going to burst into tears...again,” she told him roughly, his soft chuckle ghosting over her cheek.

“So impatient,” he muttered.

“Almost fourteen years, Steven,” she reminded him.

“Yeah,” he whispered. “That’s a lot of time to make up for.” 

Her body shuddered when he finally met her lips with his. 

What started as a slow exploration of each other, quickly turned passionate. It had been a year since Shepard had bedded anyone. It had been never since she bedded someone she loved as much as she does Steven Hackett.

“Please,” Jane begged when they separated for air. 

“Are you on birth control?” Hackett asked huskily, his lips on her neck while his hand gripped her hip tight.

Shepard groaned, “Not yet.” She’d been afraid it would affect her breast milk.

“Do you want to swell with our baby, Jane?”

Tears filled her eyes once again. “Yes,” she whispered emotionally. 

His lips were hard on hers, needy and demanding while he pulled her workout shorts down and over her knees.

Shepard didn’t care that they weren’t completely naked or that his loose pajama pants were only pushed down over his hips. She only cared that he was between her legs, teasing her with the tip of his erection while his mouth devoured every whimper and gasp.

The muscles in his back rippled under her hands as he held himself over her and began to press his hips forward. He was slow, too slow, but she couldn’t bring herself to rush him. She’d waited too long for this.

By the time he seated himself inside of her, she was shivering. His moan as she squeezed his cock made her whimper, her body heating in more arousal she thought impossible. 

“Can’t possibly be this tight,” he said before dropping his head to hers. “After having Ben.”

Shepard chuckled, “Kegels.” Her smile fell as she cupped his face. “I didn’t tell you, and maybe I should’ve asked…”

“You want to talk now?” He emphasized the question with a roll of his hips.

Her moan was low and soft. “Need to tell you…” His hips jerked hard into hers, the coil in her core tightening. “Oh, fuck…”

“Tell me later, Jane,” he told her. 

“But…” she tried to argue, but the words were quickly forgotten when he growled. “Oh,” she whimpered when the roll of his hips sent a shot of pleasure through her. “More,” she told him instead.

“So demanding,” he whispered roughly. “Impatient,” he commented with a thrust of his hips. “Stunning.” His hips drove hard into her.

She whined as he held her on the verge of release, “Steven, please,” she pleaded.

“Even when you’re in tears, you are still the most beautiful being I’ve ever laid eyes on, Jane,” he whispered against her lips.

A sob left her as he rolled his hips into her, the coil so painfully tight inside of her until it broke, pleasure coursed through her so quickly she couldn’t make a sound. Her back arched pushing her breast up against Hackett, his hand tight on her hip as he drove into her relentlessly. 

Tears fell as she sucked in air. The waves began to fade just as Steven pressed himself tight against her, his moan muffled against her neck as he filled her. She held onto him as tight as she could without hurting him. For a brief moment, she was afraid it was all a dream. 

They lay perfectly still for several long minutes. She didn’t want to move, afraid that he’d regret their actions even after his confession. 

“Jane,” he said against her neck. 

Shepard swallowed, her fingers tightening in his hair. “Yeah?”

“Will you marry me?”

It had to be a dream. A sob left her, she was afraid to open her eyes when he moved. Afraid it wouldn’t be him going limp inside of her.

The familiar thumb wiping tears away forced her eyes open. It was dark but she could make him out well enough to know it _was_ Steven Hackett on top of her.

“Yes,” she answered shakily. “And what I wanted to tell you...Ben’s last name is Shepard-Hackett.”

His body shuddered over her as he pulled her tight against him.

* * *

For weeks Shepard had to put up with constant scanning from her new husband. He was eager to learn if she carried his child. 

But it would be two long months for the tiny shadow to appear.

And when he finally saw it he broke down. It was the first time Shepard had ever seen such an emotional reaction from him. While Ben played happily in his playpen, Shepard held Steven as he wept.

* * *

_**3 Years Later…** _

“Breakfast!” Steven called from the kitchen. 

“Let’s go!” Shepard told her children. She laughed when they dropped their toys. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get you down the stairs and to the feast. You know how your father is.”

“Ben, wash your hands,” she heard Hackett tell their son before she rounded the corner to the kitchen. Her beautiful black haired, green eyed boy tried to argue.

“Benjamin David, we do not argue with Admiral Hackett,” she told him.

“But you do it all the time!”

“I’m an Admiral, too. It comes with the rank,” she answered before setting the toddler into the high chair.

“How is Miss Abigail Hannah this morning?” Steven asked their daughter. Jane’s heart fluttered every time Steven said her name. She hadn’t told him she was naming their daughter after their mothers until she’d been born. 

“Food!” Abbi called out.

“Hmm, just like your mother,” Steven teased. “Always demanding food.”

As soon as the children had their plates, Jane pinned her husband against the counter for a tender kiss. “How’s my beautiful wife this morning?”

“Oh, you know,” she whispered. “Hungry and wanting coffee.”

“Here I was hoping you were hungry for something else,” he told her with a chaste kiss.

“Always, Steven,” she said with a smile. “But later, we have company coming.”

Before she could do more than make her coffee, their guest was being let in by Glyph.

“Uncle Albert!” Benjamin yelled. Abbi screamed excitedly.

“Ben and Abbi! I’ve missed you,” Albert said while managing to receive hugs without dirtying himself with food. A talent of being an Uncle of ten no doubt. 

Hackett stiffened only briefly next to her. Old habits and old jealousies died hard. But it had gotten better after four years of Uncle Al stopping in when he was docked. 

“Al, would you mind watching them long enough for Hackett to dress? I’ve got to grab a shower for work,” Shepard told him as she poured herself another cup of coffee.

“Of course,” Albert told her. “I expect happy plates or you won’t get the gift I brought you.”

Steven had her pressed against their bedroom wall as soon as the door closed behind them. “Nice trick, Jane,” he whispered huskily.

“I thought you’d appreciate my strategic maneuvering.” Her robe fell to the floor, Hackett’s shirt and pajama pants not far behind. 

“I definitely do,” he whispered before his lips met hers.


End file.
